I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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