Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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