Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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