i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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