Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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