You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
