WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
