At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
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