I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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