dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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