How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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