You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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