I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
