Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
