shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
