He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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