sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
