You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
