There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
