i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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