oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
