i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
