so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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