No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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