After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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