After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is her dick bigger than yours?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
