He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
