Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
