I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
