oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure