I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help