he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just invented taco cereal.
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Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants