Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't