Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
