sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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