I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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