He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
