I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
