need another drink. this is the easiest way
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Text me some of your sweat
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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