My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
