fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
