I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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