she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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