I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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