Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
