oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
