I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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