just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
