i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
