Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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