garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
