I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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