i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
