I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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