I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
