Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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