Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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