I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Are we still banned from the library?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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