there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
