also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
