just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
