He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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