His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
