this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
try to milk me bitch
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