"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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