Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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