so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
