Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
