the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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