dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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