I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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