My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
