Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
