ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
