I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
