would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
