is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
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That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize