I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
