She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize