The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
