another moral hangover. fuck.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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