What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
