just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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