i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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