Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
