oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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