dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize